Couples do not usually marry with the intent of someday divorcing. Yet divorce does happen, each and every day. For couples, the experience may be stressful, painful, depressing, and emotionally taxing. But for children, the separation and upheaval of home and family can be emotionally traumatic. This is especially true when there is a lot of shaming, blaming, or arguing between parents.
Thankfully, there is a new trend emerging that is mindful, thoughtful and intentional. More importantly, this new “trend” places the separating couple's focus on a joint goal: successful and amicable co-parenting. This goal is so important that it takes precedence over any and all issues the parents may have with one another.
Doing Divorce the Right Way
An amicable divorce is not one without unresolvable problems. After all, the divorcing couple probably would not be separating if they could resolve their issues. But with the right mindset, the right approach, and qualified help, it is possible to set differences aside to ensure that children do not end up feeling as though they must choose one parent over the other. In the end, the reward is worth the work.
Tips for Achieving an Amicable Divorce
Amicable divorces do not just happen; they are worked toward with purpose and intent. They are also often the result of working closely with a team of professionals, such as therapists, divorce attorneys or mediators. Family support may also play an important role in achieving a friendly, non-confrontational divorce. But, at the end of the day, you have to remember that it is what you do (or do not do) that makes all the difference in how your divorce will end.
Couples that wish to achieve an amicable divorce may benefit from these tips:
- Whether you are dealing with custody arrangements, child support, or debt, try to focus on reaching a compromise that you can both live with. After all, there are no “winners” in a divorce;
- Seek a divorce attorney who encourages problem-solving and mediation rather than one who wishes to add fuel to the emotional fire between you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse;
- Be responsible for your own feelings about the divorce and seek help from a professional therapist, if necessary;
- Have a plan that you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse can agree upon when it comes to discussing the divorce with your children. Decide ahead of time what will be shared (and what will not);
- Remember that your children love both of you, so avoid any blaming or shaming, and try not to get defensive if your children ask uncomfortable questions. Instead, try to have age-appropriate responses ready;
- When possible, hold discussions with your children together;
- Assure children that, while you will no longer be a couple, you will both continue to be loving and active parents in their lives; and
- Focus on how things will not change, rather than how they will change (i.e. we will still sit together at your piano recitals).
Looking for a Qualified Divorce Attorney?
If you plan on working toward an amicable divorce, it is important that you seek qualified help as soon as possible. Contact the experienced Naperville, IL family law attorneys at Roscich & Martel Law Firm, LLC today.